January 05, 2014

Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014!!

Well, since another year has passed, I always like to sit down for a while and take a recap. After that I start making a list with things I'd like to change or improve in the next year. Normally I just have to update one or two bulletpoints from my previous list. This time was no different. 2013 was sure as hell not the best year, it has been, in fact, the second year in a row that has been, well not crappy, but really difficult. I was fighting to stay in Leuven, studied everyday and still just passed one exam from four, having already failed the previous four. Then I tried to pass the entrance exam for medicine and didn't pass. For the third time. While studying for the fourth time I had a breakdown and literally couldn't move and had physical reactions towards studying for it again. I had to take a break and decided that I should take the opportunity to start studying dentistry in Germany. A decision that was purely head-based, not at all chosen with my heart.

This is now my third try of a study (having previously been in Rotterdam and Leuven) and it was horrible starting over again. Being in a different city was not the problem, but being in the first year over and over again, having to break the bonds that where just starting to grow in Leuven, well, it's something I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I have to say though, that I am very grateful that I was able to take this chance, that my parents supported me in every step although it meant more stress for them, more money to spend, and a fourth time to move my things around where they had to help. I am also very grateful for all the amazing people who stood by me in that difficult time, especially Louise, who, also, had a really difficult year, dealing with the same problems. I think that, although I am happy that 2013 is over, it also made me stronger and, most importantly, gave me one of my best friends: Lou. We fought together, side by side, always pushing each other to go further, to never give up.
I am also happy that 2013 was a year where no one around me got seriously sick or died. This may be a strange sentence to say, but there have been years when I wasn't able to say it.
I guess - life being the messy bits - there are never complete good or bad years. There are always ups and downs and sometimes you get more ups or more downs. All in all, 2013 (even though I do not want to relive you): I will cherish the good moments, the moments with my friends and family, the people I met, and also: the moment I realized I love studying in Regensburg. Because that's what last year gave me: A new opportunity. An opportunity I thought I would never get again, and I am sure as hell that I won't destroy that one and that it won't destroy me. I love dentistry and although it's very time consuming and a lot to do, I feel like I am starting to get a chance to go on in life.

As for 2014: I have a huge list. As always. But what I really want this year is finding out who I really am. After two really hard years - where I felt like I was loosing piece by piece of myself - I want to take that puzzle and put it back together. It won't be easy, I am sure of that. There will be ups and downs like there always are, but maybe this is the year where I come to terms with myself and be able to achieve, explore and feel more. There are concrete things I want to change, and there will be things that will change me. Things I haven't planned. Because I am not that stupid, believing making a list means that everything will automatically fall into place. That would be too easy. And I am also not sure whether I would want that.
So 2014: Let this 12 months start!

Thanks for reading!
Love, Jules

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